The Miracles that didn't happen (an essay written by my Dad a year and a half after he lost his hearing)

When Sister Alexander asked me to write an article on coping with trials, using my experience of the last year and a half, my inclination was to refuse.  I am aware of many people in our ward who have had to endure trials far worse than what I have.  Even in personal experience I've had tougher times in my life.  Sylvia and the kids could write an article on the trials they had putting up with me.  However as I considered the request I realized that I have learned a couple of things about coping with problems and if those things might be a help to someone else then I surely should share them. 

   We belong to a church which almost takes miracles for granted.  In our ward we have witnessed some remarkable instances of the power of God.  It has greatly strengthened our testimonies of the gospel.  But at the same time it makes us wonder why some miracles haven't happened.  When I was growing up I had a very close friend.  Ron was a very extraordinary person.  He excelled at everything.  Sports, academics, leadership, the gospel, everything he did he did well.  But Ron had to live with a trial.  He had Asthma.  It seemed to me it dogged him in everything he did.  We played basketball together.  He was the star of the team.  Without his athletic ability our team would have been in real trouble.  Yet we had to call time out at regular intervals to let him catch his breath and use his "wiffer" to clear his lungs.  Ron went on to serve a very successful mission for the Lord;  graduate from the U of U with a master's degree, excel in his profession and serve the Lord faithfully.  Hundreds of young people can point to Ron as one who helped them on their way.  Ron died a year and a half ago.  The Asthma that had plaqued him all of his life finally caught up with him.  He left many many people wondering why.  It would have been such a tiny miracle.  Just clear his lungs so he could breathe. 

Many members of our ward can remember Tim Gautier.  Tim was a faithful member of our ward.  I served with Tim for a time in the Elder's quorum presidency and we became friends.  Tim had no legs.  He was so faithful, bore such a powerful testimony, was a witness to hundreds of people.  Tim needed a miracle.  Tim died a couple of years ago. 

In the early spring of 1839 Joseph Smith was incarcerated in the Liberty Jail.  The conditions were horrible.  his flock that he had been called by the Lord to lead was scattered across northern Missouri; driven and persecuted by evil men; forced to leave the state; their farms, their towns, their homes.  Joseph sat in jail, unable to help.  The church needed a miracle to save them.  In March of 1829 Joseph Smith wrote a letter to the church that has become one of our classic scriptures.  In it he eloquently penned the question that is on the lips of all who feel they can bear no more.  "O God, where art thou?  And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?  How long shall thy hand be stayed, and thine eye, yea thy pure eye, behold from the eternal heavens the wrongs of thy people and thy servants, and thine ears be penetrated with their cries?  Yea, O Lord, how long shall they suffer these wrongs and unlawful oppressions before thine heart shall be softened toward them and thy bowels be moved with compassion toward them?  O Lord God Almighty, maker of heaven, earth, and seas and all things that in them are, and who controllest and subjectest the devil, and the dark and benighted dominion of Sheol- Stretch foth thine hand: let thine eye pierce, let thy pavilion be taken up:  let thy hiding place no longerbe covered:  Let thine ear be inclined:  Let thine heart be softened:  and thy bowels moved with compassion toward us."  No miracle happened.

Two thousand years ago in the garden of Gethsemane our Savior knelt before his Father and prayed "O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me:  Nevertheless not as I will but as thou will."  Jesus needed a miracle right then or he would have to die.  No miracle happened.  Our Lord was hung on a cross.  He died, after suffering more than anyone else on this earth can imagine.  He could have saved himself.  He could have done the miracle.  But he didn't and because he didn't you and I have been saved from death and been given the hope of eternal life.  I'm truly grateful that that miracle didn't happen. 

At the time of his incarceration in the LIberty jail, when his flock was bing scattered and killed, there was no way for the Prophet Joseph Smith to know that the future leaders of the church, those who would lead the saints into the west and establish the "mountain of the Lord's house" in the tops of the mountains, were being fashioned, tempered and purified in the crucible of northern Missouri.  Without this trial the saints may not have had what it would take to build another Zion in the moutains and deserts of the west.  If a miracle had saved the saints in Missouri it is possible that you and I might not have had the blessings of the gospel. 

I think of the inspiration that Tim Guatier was to me and to his friends at school.  How much more his testimony meant because of the trials he had endured, and I wonder if Tim had not been called on to give this sacrifice what testimonies may have suffered.  What young people just finding their way in the gospel might have become lost. 

I surely don't pretend to know the answers.  I won't try to guess why Ron had to die.  Why some have to suffer so greatly.  But I know that our Father in Heaven knows the answers.  I trust him.  If I am asked to bear with a tribulation for a while I'll try to do it as best I can because I know he has a reason for it. 

Once we can put our trust in the Lord and say truthfully "not as I will but as thou will", then the question isn't "Why me Lord?"  The question becomes, "What would you have me do Lord?"  Does that mean the weight won't seem more than we can bear at times?  Of course not.  Just as was our savior in his darkest hour, we may be overwhelmed and cry out "My God, My God, why hast thou forsaken me?"  But the answer is always as it was to the prophet Joseph Smith "My son, peace be unto thy soul: thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment.  And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high:  thou shalt triumph over all thy foes."  God's love for us is total and overwhelming.  We can trust in that love forever.